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Ever want your life to seem significantly cooler than it actually is? Believe it or not, there’s an app for that. Meet Instagram — Twit Pic’s American Apparel-wearing cousin from California. At first, the Instagram community may seem intimidating because it is full of top-notch photography experts that seriously know what they’re doing. So you don’t feel like the only one that didn’t get the “cellphone photography” memo, here are a few start-up rules to follow.
1 Open app store. Search app. Download app.
2 Wait one excruciating minute for the app to install.
3 Choose a cute display name that is much wittier than all of your friends’, then bully them into following you.
4 Look at everyday objects as photo-ops for bragging about how creative you are by making the ordinary appear intriguing.
5 For instance: stop signs, perfume bottles, musical instruments, chairs...
6 Show the world how tired and busy you are by taking a close up of your Starbucks and slapping the “Valencia” effect on it. Make sure everyone knows you can’t live without it.
7 Before you eat something, arrange it in an aesthetically pleasing manner and blur everything but the focal point of your snack. Tell the world how fat you are.
8 If you wait longer than five minutes to post a picture of your new haircut, the world will end. Pretend to hate it so people will tell you how awesome it is.
9 Showcase your classiness by adding the “Earlybird” filter to photos of the alcoholic beverages you are currently demolishing.
10 Dress up like you’re going somewhere swanky and have someone snap a photo of you. Remember, posing is for Facebook. Looking into the distance and pondering life’s deeper meaning is for Instagram.
11 While at the mall, post pictures of all your expensive shopping bags. After the mall, post an artsy photo of every item you got. People will be dying to know about your purchases.
12 Find a child, hug it and have someone capture the moment to show your sensitive side. This also works by sneaking up on your sleeping dog.
13 If it’s a nice day, put your shades on and roll the car windows down. Throw up a peace sign while driving. Incorporate Jason Mraz lyrics into the caption.
14 Sharing pictures of anything ticket-related (stubs from movies, concerts or sporting events, parking tickets, airplane boarding passes, bar crawl wristbands, etc.) is a great way to ward off stalkers.
Remember:
Don’t ever let anyone think you are putting effort into your Instagram posts. You do NOT try too hard.
A few activities should never go by unrecognized on Instagram. These are: cooking, changing your nail polish, reading a book, receiving a silly text, riding a bike and finding a Bob Marley quote.
Contact Natalie Moses at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .
