Category: Kent Texts From Last Night
Kevin: I'm solid. Just changed my brothers clocks bc he never sdet them for time change*. Proves I can handle 5 beers.
Kevin: I disagree. If things don't go well in a few yrs, I could see myself getting drunk off boxed wine and listening to adele every night.
Joe: Sounds fun! So I just read in the newspaper thaat another middle school girlfriend of mine just got busted for trafficking heroine. 4th degree felony lol.
Sean: This bitch at this party is mixing coke and red wine. Is that a thing?!
Melody: ""I just downloaded an 'Am I Pregnant?' app""
Lori: ""How does that work? Do you pee on your phone?""
Anna: "I don't want to go to my parent's house hungover, but I have to do my laundry."
Sara: "He asked me if I have ever cheated on him and I said no."
Allie: "That's already a lie."
Sara: "Skype sex doesn't count"
Sarina: "You basically forgot how to move your legs so you did somersaults everywhere."
Adam: "Sometimes I just buy wine because it has a funny name"
Vince: "Sometimes I just have sex with girls because they have funny names"
Adam: "Not the same thing, dude"
Darren: I did her flowerstyle! It's the same as doggy, only she hates being fucked like a flower, so I told her we should do it flowerstyle and it totally worked!
Ian: I may or may not have posted a sext as my facebook status last night
Ben: I just feel like I should come with a Surgeon General's Warning.
Nate: You complained that the tequila "tasted like butter" and then threw up over the balcony.
Greg: So are you guys breaking up?
Max: Nothing a little angry sex can't fix.
Brianna:I stuc my foot in Matts ass cracle!
Hannah: Every time I get drunk over there it turns into a threesome.
Lindsey: I just had my first threesome!
Janice: This is your mom. Come home now.
Lea: The only reason I still talk to my exes is because they happen to sell me drugs. It's not the same
Pete: The party was nice. We ran out of candles so we used a stick of incense in the cake.
Luke: And here I was thinking you were smoking weed all night.
Pete: Oh we were, but that's besides the point. "
Jackie: Dude, you don't understand what it's like to hide weed from your parents. It's like hiding Anne Frank under your mattress from the Nazis.
Rick: The one time I black out I don't remember it. It sucks.
Trisha: You're an idiot. "
Kate: I find it rather exciting that my boyfriend is uncircumcised. It's so exciting when it makes its appearance.
Emily: I just threw up in my mouth a little"
Kevin: Snakes are just tails with faces :(
Gary: What are you smoking?